This is always a difficult time of year for me. Constantly, all year, I struggle with feeling like a failure. I was thinking this morning about how positive and how forgiving I am about other people and their actions, but not about my actions. Naturally I know the reasons I don't accomplish things as I should; I know I was procrastinating and making poor choices in the use of my time, the selfish reasons behind my actions, my laziness.

It is obvious even to me that I am not a complete failure. Our children are as great as they come (though I am biased). We have a relatively clean and usually happy home in an area we love. I don't neglect everything. In the big scheme of life none of the things I am concerned about really matter anyway. Unfortunately, I am not spending much time thinking about those things that matter, eternal things. And I now feel strongly convicted. Maybe I don't feel like a failure for the previous reasons, maybe it is because I am being negligent and careless with opportunities to effect the eternity of my neighbors, friends and my family. Perhaps I'm wrong thinking that it is the busyness and unroutineness and pressure to make good decisions and performances of this time of year that bothers me. Instead it may be that my guilt increases with the opportunities missed, ignored.