Blessings still follow obedience

So, let me tell you how things turned out.

I called Dad after doing some shopping on Sunday morning. He, Eric, Keith and Evan had gone out for breakfast. I started to tell Eunice that we were not going to be there for Christmas and broke down crying before I could finish talking. I couldn't believe I was so upset. She was so kind and sympathized and told me how right Greg was to not want to be separated at Christmas and he should want us all to spend it with his family. Then she said that Rick and Kathy were coming up sooner than expected, would be in that afternoon, and would we like to come to dinner. It was so wonderful. Greg did not want to go knowing it would cause a lot of suffering of his health over the holidays, but was glad for the kids and I to go.

I can't tell you how wonderful it was to just hang out with my nephews. We did not have any deep discussions, but I was exposed to their personalities and interactions. I had a great time and I felt so much better afterwards. I missed them on Christmas and I was sorry to miss the dinner, but I do love Greg more. God blesses those who chose to obey.

On Christmas Eve Greg and I and the kids open all our big gifts to each other. You can read a little about that on the Our Trail blog; but what struck me was how much I enjoy our family. And I was reminded that we are creating the center of our family as I think of my dad being the center of my family with my siblings. I hope that as our kids grow they will desire to be with us as I desire to be with my family. Of course, I hope it will not cause the stress and anxiety that I experienced this Christmas. It is something of which to be sensitive and aware.

I have never been so glad to have Christmas over. Rick and Kathy did not leave right away: they came to the apartment with Dad the day after Christmas to spend a little more time together and to take the kids and I on a little shopping spree to Powell's Books! Wow, was that exciting! Thank you Rick and Kathy!!! And Dad, who desired to join in the giving!!!

Thankfully we have no plans or traditions (that I can think of) for New Years. I keep thinking that next Monday is the beginning of a new schedule, but I have another couple of days to prepare both physically and emotionally. There are so many ways in which I have let my discipline slide. Perhaps I will save that confession for another time.

Difficult Christmas

It has been a long time since I have had the time or opportunity to ramble on this page. At this moment I have both and certainly feel like rambling. This has been the most difficult Christmas season ever for me. I'm not sure I want to or should write about it.

There is really no way to make things right this year. After having Thanksgiving with my family we planned on Christmas with Greg's. Not long ago we found out that my family was having a rare Christmas with both my brothers and most of their families coming for a big dough party on Christmas day. This includes my nephews, one of whom has been in Iraq for the last 15 months, the other preparing to go. It is hard to explain what a dough party is to those not from the Straub clan, suffice to say it is a lot of really good food prepared all day with a lot of fun and laughter followed by lingering fellowship around the table we are too stuffed to walk away from. At least those are my memories of something I have actually never experienced as an adult. I would be lying if I didn't say that everything within me wants to be a part of my family that day. However, Greg could not take part. His asthma will not let him be in Dad and Eunice's house without extremely difficult consequences (they have cats which agrevate his condition). After the few hours he spent there on Thanksgiving he struggled breathing for a week, day and night.

So, the options are: I sacrifice being at the dough party and celebrate as planned with Greg's family or we separate and do not celebrate Christmas together. Greg would be miserable and I would be miserable knowing his misery. We talked about doing some at both houses, but the day becomes hectic and we don't like that either; rather than enjoying some of both, it takes away the enjoyment of either.

I decided last night to go with Greg to his Dad's. Everything in me rebels at the thought, at the pain of missing my family, but my first responsibility is to my husband. And I love him more. I will go with the kids to my dad's on Christmas Eve morning when Greg goes to work. When I call my dad to tell him this morning I will hope that we will get to see some of the family for a little while at least. They are not up here long and have lots of plans, I'm sure.

I am thankful that I enjoy my family. There are so many who would not want to be with any of their family on Christmas. How blessed we are to be wanted. How sad I am that these choices have to be made.