Determined to Focus

Funny, my title is only half true. I do feel a determination to focus on the day, school, meals, kids, cleaning, all those wife/mother jobs, but I also feel a determination to do so much more and that seems unrealistic. For example, I want to spend this time updating our blogs on a regular basis, I am learning to knit and I want to begin sewing, both with the mindset of finding something I can create that could earn a little money. I desperately want to buy new curriculum for this coming year, but we are still getting back on track and must focus on the few things we are still not doing regularly before we add more school work (not to mention the expense of curriculum). I have visions of myself riding regularly on trails with Greg, and in town in the mornings, of being able to have time to myself again. How could all of these things become reality? I know how: everything does not have to happen every day and all things are possible with God. Scheduling is still difficult. I should look at our progress as it has been astounding, but my expectations are always higher. There are so many uncertainties and with those come stress, but I want to be happy and there is no reason why I cannot be happy if I so choose. I want to read more.

OK, I will work on today. I will enjoy the life God has given me and the innumerable blessings it includes. I know that I write about a lot of negative things, and think about them, too, which likely accounts for my sober attitude. I wonder if I have always been like this? There are times when there is much joking and I think that generally I am more content than not... just thoughtful perhaps.