Desire or Need

It is by no means a new struggle, but a new definition. How hard do I work? Do I work hard enough? It doesn't matter to me what other people think about it. I know that I work harder than some and not as much as others. I'm not going to give a list of what I accomplish or how much I rest. My question can only be answered by the Holy Spirit and I try to hear the response, but there are so many outside voices. My worth to God is not in question. His love for me is not dependent on any action on my part, I know this full well. It is the sacrifice of His son, that unthinkable, unimaginable sacrifice that makes me question the quality and quantity of my own. Do I sacrifice enough? Do I say, "I cannot do any more," when I can and I should, willingly and joyfully. 

I have always loved rest. To sit and think is my greatest desire. I might include knitting or reading now, but just thinking is always at the top of the list. To be alone with God in the quiet is... heaven on earth to me. Just thinking of the calm and stillness brings peace to my soul amidst the voices ever present during the day, the playing and singing, the bickering and complaining, ever constant in the waking hours of childcare and family. I don't dislike the sounds, but they do not bring energy. There is joy in our togetherness and I am ever grateful lately for the crowding in the kitchen and maneuvering around the children knowing that there are not many years to enjoy their presence as I do now. 

There are so many needs. There are so many opportunities to do more. What are the things that God has asked me to do? Some are obvious and I know them and try. Some are there, they are possible for me, I could help, I could do more, I could die to my desire for rest, or is it my need?