Funny, my title is only half true. I do feel a determination to focus on the day, school, meals, kids, cleaning, all those wife/mother jobs, but I also feel a determination to do so much more and that seems unrealistic. For example, I want to spend this time updating our blogs on a regular basis, I am learning to knit and I want to begin sewing, both with the mindset of finding something I can create that could earn a little money. I desperately want to buy new curriculum for this coming year, but we are still getting back on track and must focus on the few things we are still not doing regularly before we add more school work (not to mention the expense of curriculum). I have visions of myself riding regularly on trails with Greg, and in town in the mornings, of being able to have time to myself again. How could all of these things become reality? I know how: everything does not have to happen every day and all things are possible with God. Scheduling is still difficult. I should look at our progress as it has been astounding, but my expectations are always higher. There are so many uncertainties and with those come stress, but I want to be happy and there is no reason why I cannot be happy if I so choose. I want to read more.
OK, I will work on today. I will enjoy the life God has given me and the innumerable blessings it includes. I know that I write about a lot of negative things, and think about them, too, which likely accounts for my sober attitude. I wonder if I have always been like this? There are times when there is much joking and I think that generally I am more content than not... just thoughtful perhaps.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Monday, April 2, 2007
It has been a long time since I have been able to write on this blog. Finding internet access has not been as difficult as finding the time to sit and use the access while the battery recharges. We have rarely been camping with electricity and that has been the biggest challenge by far for computer updating. My phases continue of having a great time to being depressed and unfortunately the fluctuations are rapid and never far from each other. I am glad for this time, but we will all be glad to settle down again. I am so thankful for the sites we are seeing and the time we are spending together, but it is full of the unexpected and we can't seem to experience that without stress to go with it. How wonderful it would be if we could just always remember that things will work out and we can be happy the whole time, rather than feeling the pressure of making things work out. I feel like I'm doing a terrible job. The kids are hardly ever doing any school and what I wrote before about asking them to do their work and them doing it is not longer holding true. It seems like things are always a mess because we just have too much stuff and there is always way more for me to do than I can ever accomplish. I am working harder than I ever have in my life all the time and always exhausted. But, Greg told me last night that this trip is not about getting everything done, but spending time together as a family. I will try to remember that.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Fellowship
How wonderful to find like-minded women so far from home. Keith and Kristi had us over for dinner on Saturday night and it was wonderful. The kids had a great time playing with their son and they had a friend, Sandra (Gene had to work) and their two boys. Kristi and Sandra were so kind and friendly, asking questions about our trip and offering to help in any way. Visiting with other Christian women was just what I needed and I felt so much better by the time we left. God will continue to use time to improve my abilities and my attitudes.
Struggling...
I knew it would be difficult. I did not grow up camping and the few times Greg and I have gone, both before and after we had children, I have struggled to do everything: cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. That was always tent camping. With the trailer we have a bathroom, a stove and sinks, shelter and screens, but it sure isn’t like living in a house, not even a small house. There is constantly the thought about the holding tanks and are they full, do we have enough drinking water, where will we get groceries. It is a lot harder getting groceries than I expected, and we can’t get too many because there isn’t anywhere to put them. And so many more things I don’t know how to deal with yet. Everything does not have a place and so we are constantly moving the mess around to use the space they are in. I’d give you details, but I’m tired of thinking about it and it’s not that interesting. I just want us to be clean and our home to be clean. I want to get all the things done that I’ve always wanted to get done and never succeeded at accomplishing. Greg says it will get better and we will figure things out and I know we will, or at least get more comfortable without, but right now I’m struggling.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Fun at the Park
Yesterday was great! I did a little work in the trailer, which has a ways to go before its organized, or neat. I did not work in the van, which also has a ways to go. But, we did do school work outside in the sun under the blooming trees.
In 
the afternoon we walked to a nearby park and had a fabulous time. We had the place all to ourselves, the weather could not have been better and the kids played together, helped each other. Louis started on the small slide with Olivia, she was scared to go down, but it was so small he held her hand all the way. Then he took her down some larger ones, coaxed her down larger ones, and soon she was going down the very largest saying "yahoo" until she reached the bottom. Sooooo sweet!
In 
the afternoon we walked to a nearby park and had a fabulous time. We had the place all to ourselves, the weather could not have been better and the kids played together, helped each other. Louis started on the small slide with Olivia, she was scared to go down, but it was so small he held her hand all the way. Then he took her down some larger ones, coaxed her down larger ones, and soon she was going down the very largest saying "yahoo" until she reached the bottom. Sooooo sweet!
Monday, March 5, 2007
Schedules...
This isn't the blog about our trip so I'm not going to write about the last week, which was so busy getting ready to leave that I never sat at the computer.
I can remember when I was feeling frustrated at never getting done any of the things I wanted to do. I began scheduling and it wasn't 100% successful, but it was better. It's been years of working with schedules, they are always changing, and I always wondered when I would arrive at the one that would help me to accomplish everything I had planned. Eventually I realized I never would, that it is a striving that is healthy and good, but arriving isn't the goal, only continuing to strive. As in my striving to be more like Christ, I will never arrive, but I will improve and grow, if I continue to strive.
Now, we have made a huge change in the way we are living and schedules have no place here. What will help me to accomplish the things that need to be done? I have been thinking about it for some time and realize we will work when we get a chance. We were in the van all day yesterday and I had the kids do their math. We have worked diligently at teaching them to be obedient and they have learned well. It is so wonderful to tell your child to do his math and he gets his books and works on it. There is sometimes a look of disappointment, sometimes it takes them a while to get it done because they are looking out the window and dreaming more than working, but they sit with it until it is done and that is what I asked. It is easier to work when you know that is what you have to do at the same time everyday, but when you have to suddenly stop playing and work whenever the voice of authority calls, that is a challenge for any of us. We are excessively proud of our children.
I can remember when I was feeling frustrated at never getting done any of the things I wanted to do. I began scheduling and it wasn't 100% successful, but it was better. It's been years of working with schedules, they are always changing, and I always wondered when I would arrive at the one that would help me to accomplish everything I had planned. Eventually I realized I never would, that it is a striving that is healthy and good, but arriving isn't the goal, only continuing to strive. As in my striving to be more like Christ, I will never arrive, but I will improve and grow, if I continue to strive.
Now, we have made a huge change in the way we are living and schedules have no place here. What will help me to accomplish the things that need to be done? I have been thinking about it for some time and realize we will work when we get a chance. We were in the van all day yesterday and I had the kids do their math. We have worked diligently at teaching them to be obedient and they have learned well. It is so wonderful to tell your child to do his math and he gets his books and works on it. There is sometimes a look of disappointment, sometimes it takes them a while to get it done because they are looking out the window and dreaming more than working, but they sit with it until it is done and that is what I asked. It is easier to work when you know that is what you have to do at the same time everyday, but when you have to suddenly stop playing and work whenever the voice of authority calls, that is a challenge for any of us. We are excessively proud of our children.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
